OPTION B by Sheryl Sandberg
NOTES
15-16 Resilience builds as we process negative events.
3 “P”s that stunt recovery
1) personalization – the belief that we are at fault
2) pervasiveness – the belief that an event will affect all areas
of our lives
3) permanence – the belief that the aftershocks of the event
will last forever
18 Blaming yourself delays recovery
21- 22 The brain has a psychological immune system….we can see silver linings in clouds. The brain is wired for recovery from loss & trauma
22 Abolish the word “never” and “always” and replace them with “sometimes” and “lately” ie, “I will always feel this awful
became I will sometimes feel this awful
25 It’s a good idea to think about how much worse things could be
25 Family ritual…share at the dinner table something that we are
grateful for, hold hands and thank God for daily blessings
25 Counting blessings can actually increase happiness and health by reminding us of the good things in life.
28 You can avoid a lot of angst if you know the heartache will not
last forever
29Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us,
it comes from gratitude for what’s good in our lives
33 Don’t succumb to the “mum” “Talk about” what is really going on
34 By staying silent, we often isolate family, friends and coworkers.
34 Silence can increase suffering
36 There is cultural pressure to conceal negative emotions
38 Choose meaning over emptiness
43 I acknowledge your pain. I’m here with you
47 2 responses to pain…Empathy that motivates us to help.
Distress which motivates us to avoid.
49 Simply show up for a friend makes a huge difference
50-51 No one way to grieve. No one way to help
51 Treat others the way they want to be treated
55 5 stages of grief – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Anger, Denial,
Bargaining, Depression & Acceptance
They don’t progress in a linear fashion.
There will be a rise and fall of each in any order
55-57 You are not alone. God is carrying you
59-60 Self compassion – recognize our own imperfections are
part of being human
60-61 Women are harder on themselves than men so self-
compassion is even more important for them
62 There are many therapeutic effects of journaling
62-62 Labeling negative emotions makes them easier to deal with.
By putting feelings into words, we give ourselves more power over them.
63 Journaling reduces loneliness and improves your mood
65 Trauma can also lead to self-doubt in all aspects of our lives
67-68 Writing down three things that I’d done well each day reduces stress levels and improves mental and physical health
68 Journal and count your daily contributions makes a positive
difference. Contributions are active and build our confidence
92 Trauma survivors often end up helping others overcome their adversities
96 Survivor guilt is a thief of joy – Why am I alive and they aren’t?
99 Allowing ourselves to be happy is a triumph over permanence of a
tragedy
100 Journal 3 moments of joy each day improves your mood and health
103-105 Resilience tools: exercise – prayer – hiking – cooking – driving – singing
111 Resilience – four core beliefs (1) you have control over your life,
(2) you can learn from failure (3) You matter as a human
being; and (4) you have strengths to rely on and share
112 Have active goals to achieve your dreams
119 Make chart of “Family Rules” ie. respect our feelings, forgiveness,
teamwork, sleep
127-129 Key to resilience is Hope and Community. We build resilience
together
144-145 To be resilient after failures, we have to learn from them.
Most common regret = our failure to act…not actions that failed.
146 See failure as a learning opportunity
149 We all have blind spots
151 Ability to listen to feedback is a sign of resilience
155 Tell yourself and others around you YGT You Got This
161 Expectation that women will grieve longer than a man
162 Discrimination against widows in other cultures
164 Dating is not a betrayal but an attempt to break through sorrow and
find some joy
166 Humor can make us more resilient
173-174 We confuse resilience with closure
174 Grief has to unfold